July 16, 2018

When You Lose a Parent...

Hey everyone.  I'm sorry for my absence.  On July 4th I was in the happiest place in the world at Disney World in Florida.  Within hours my life would change.  I received a phone call from my twin sister that my Dad wasn't doing well and I needed to come home (New Jersey) immediately.  Within hours I packed a bag, purchased tickets and was on a plane.  In less than 24 hours the man that first had my heart and still does was gone.  My twin, my daughter, my son (via FaceTime from Mexico City) watched him take his last breath.  I'm totally numb by this lose and I'm still trying to come to the realization I will never see my Daddy again here on earth.

My Daddy has been by my side during the toughest and happiest times of my life.  He was by my side as I battled cancer, he was by my side when my husband made Chief in the USAF, and he was always there to call upon and chat with for hours.  Alzheimers took the man I loved from birth and made him live in confusion and pain.  I truly HATE this disease and I want a cure for everyone who has ever had to fight it or is still fighting it.  My Daddy had the best laugh and the kindest heart for everyone he ever met.  My father never had an enemy and if he did he never knew it and would embrace that person regardless.

My Daddy taught us to live your lives on your own terms.  Be the very best you can be and to keep your head held high regardless of what others may think about you.  He gave us the glorious gene of laughing so hard until we cry.  Every daughter, grand daughter and grand son has that gene.  That happiness and joy will always remain with us.

My Daddy was a proud man and he loved his life.  He taught me good wine, good gracious and good life.  I get my "swag" from this man.  Everyone who we spoke to at his wake said "your father was THE MAN!!"  He was so sharp and handsome.  We laid him to rest in that same fashion.

I don't know what I will do without my Daddy here.  The night of his passing at the top of my sister's stairs we heard a swirl of wind go passed us twice.  There were no windows open, no A/C on.  Nothing to cause that sound.  I know that way my Daddy.  A few days after he passed away I saw this man in Home Depot in the lighting section wearing all white. White shirt, white shorts, white socks and white sneakers. As I was waking towards him I said to my daughter “Oh my gosh he looks like my Daddy”. He was the same build, the same walk, same grey hair. Everything about this man spoke of my Daddy. As I got closer to him, I just couldn’t shake this feeling. I mean I know this man is not my Dad and he wasn’t like a “spitting image” of him however I can’t shake the image of him now. Once I walked passed him I turned around quickly just to take another glance and he was looking right at me with the same expression my Dad would of had. He just looked at me with a slight smile and walked towards more of the lights and I didn’t see him again in the store. I don’t know what it all means but my heart is so heavy thinking of that man. Many of my friends say that was a sign from my Daddy that he is at peace and okay.  I know I will feel that way as soon as I can wrap myself around it all. 

Rest in eternal peace Daddy.  You will forever have a piece of my heart.  I will share your amazing stories with family, friends and even strangers.  If someone has a father, grandfather or husband that is half the man you are, they will truly be blessed.  

Thank you everyone for all your prayers and condolences.  I am still in New Jersey visiting with family and finishing up some things.  I will be back to blogging as soon as I get back home.  I love all of you and again thank you for the encouraging words and love you have shown me and my family.  

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